I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
