Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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