you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
