whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
