How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
