where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
