Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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