im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
