Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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