your parents love me but you hate me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
