the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
