come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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