A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize