have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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