Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
