Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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