Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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