absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Houston, we have a squirter
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
