I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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