he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
