someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
