You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
