he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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