I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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