so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
