Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
