She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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