I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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