I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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