and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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