I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
