Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize