I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
