Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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