"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
