I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
