You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
