remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
