porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just cropdusted the office
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
