Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
