all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
