Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
