ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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