Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
