piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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