Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
