Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
