We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
