The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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