theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
