Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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