Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
