I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
