Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
