Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
