My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
