I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
