She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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