"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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