you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
