omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
birth control should be required to get into college
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
