Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
