oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
