i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
