That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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