What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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