That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
