im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
