Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
