So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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