I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
