Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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