In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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