Already got asked if we're dating
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
