First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
